


New And Improved

by colinsayebrows



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Boy Dean Winchester, Destiel - Freeform, Lost Dean Winchester, M/M, Priest Castiel, Sad Dean Winchester, kind of sad, smutty deancas, some smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 16:45:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11993859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colinsayebrows/pseuds/colinsayebrows
Summary: Dean is what the people in the area would call a "bad boy" and he had been this way for a long time. A very long time. He couldn't remember the last time he did something good. The tedious work of always having people look up to him, having the qualities of a role model was tiring.Castiel is a newly formed priest at the little white church on the corner of the street. He had just admitted himself into the job title, he did it because he felt like he was being commanded to. Someone told him that this was what he was supposed to do, he didn't know who, but someone did.Brought because of guilt and pain, Dean comes to talk to the new priest at the little white church.Castiel Novak.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey! this is my first actual story for destiel and I'm pretty excited to be writing it :) I'm also publishing it on my wattpad so don't call me out for stealing if you see it on there!!! I also rated this M for the later chapters. I'll warn ya.

Abandonment was no new subject to Dean Winchester. He knew all of it's aspects, where the roads of disappointment would lead and that's exactly the reason he hasn't tried to be better. He had no reason to become "better". 

He was only seven years old when his father had completely disposed of him. He was left in a crappy motel room, not knowing that his father would never return to retrieve his son. 

"Maybe he's coming back tomorrow." Dean thought. 

Then he said this the next day. And the next. And the next. Dean's eyes never left the television because he knew if he retreated his eyes another direction, he'd have to think of something other than his cartoons. He sat on the couch every night, looking out the window, hoping for his dad's 67' Impala to roll into the parking space outside of the motel. But somehow, in the back of his mind, he knew that he was never coming back. 

But he never acted upon this thought, he never ran away, he stayed in the musty motel and ate lucky charms for almost a whole week. He probably would have stayed on that couch longer, but the cleaning lady walked into the room and saw the empty coke cans laying on the floor and the glistening eyes of the little boy sitting on the couch. Alone. Dean knew he'd be kicked out. So before the cleaning lady came back with the police, he packed up his things and started to walk down the highway. 

That's the last Dean Winchester remembered about his childhood. Nothing good ever happened, there was no baseball games, no family game nights, no anything. Then again, family game nights wouldn't have worked, they weren't much of a family. 

He heard news of his father about a year ago, about how he had died in some ridiculous way that nobody could explain. His heart had been completely torn out from his chest and his skin was sewn back up. Dean wished he had felt something, but his father died the same way that Dean had felt like all his life. His father's heart was ripped out, and Dean's was ripped out metaphorically. That didn't mean it hurt any less. 

So for the next twenty years of his life, he took his anger and frustration out on the streets. He stole and even broke some hearts. He couldn't stop himself anymore. At least he got some sort of release. Part of him still does enjoy it. Robbing was exhilarating. Breaking girl's hearts was genuinely thrilling.

But part of him, felt bad. 

Sure, this was fun, but it was also wrong. He knew this. Stealing costed people hundreds of dollars. Heartbreaking could kill someone. 

The guilt started taking over, he was suddenly finding these things to be a chore to his mind. This put stress and straining in his head. He needed air. 

He couldn't take it anymore. Dean started to walk down the street, trying to clear his head. It worked, to a point. Until he saw the little white church on the corner of the street. A light was on in the inside so he walked up to the front door of it and peeked in. Rows of chairs lined up in rows, a little stage and a large cross hanging on the wall. It was actually quite beautiful. A bright red carpet laid across the floor welcomed Dean inside, and he walked in.

As soon as he stepped in, a man with dark hair wearing a suit stepped into the room to greet Dean. 

"Hello, how may I help you?" The man said in a deep gravely voice. 

Dean stuttered. "Uh- I don't think I should be here. I'm sorry." He took a step toward the door and the man walked up to him, grabbing his arm gently. 

Dean turns around and looks into the man's eyes. They're bright blue. His hair is slightly tousled and his tie is too loose.

"Sit." The man gestured toward the booth seats. 

"Uh-okay." Dean replied awkwardly. 

Dean stared at him as he walked to the booth in front of him and sitting down. He was good-looking, the suit fit him perfectly. His suit was all black, except for the undershirt and the tie. The tie was a bright blue, which matched his eyes. The entire ensemble did so much to enhance his handsome features. Dean got distracted, looking at his think dark hair, his scruff and god, those piercing blue eyes.

His shirt was slightly unfastened, giving a little peak of his chest to Dean. Dean let out a deep breath, which sounded to the man that he had been holding it in for a while. 

"I can't be attracted to him." Dean thought. He repeated it in his head over and over, almost as if he was trying to force himself into believing it. "I like girls. I like girls."

"Are you okay?" The man asked Dean.

His voice was low and gravely, deep and gruff. It was so hot. Dean's grip on the chair tightened as the man pursed his lips and licked his bottom lip. The moisture from his tongue glistened on his lip, the light shining directly on his lips down to his collarbone. Dean took a deep breath, trying to keep his thoughts under control. 

"My name's Castiel, you can call me Cas." He said, staring into Dean's green eyes. 

"H-hi, Cas. I'm Dean." Dean stammered, trying to slow down his breaths. 

"So, why are you here, Dean?" His name rolled off Castiel's tongue so perfectly, his voice deep as he said his name. 

"Um- I've been- I'm feeling horrible. I am ready to just give up. I been doing some pretty bad things lately and I don't think I can ever come back from them." Dean admitted, admiring Castiel secretly. He doesn't know why it was so easy for him to reveal that to Cas; he had never even admitted it to himself.

"You can, you just have to believe that you can. God forgives all who seek forgiveness." Castiel says, his eyes piercing into Dean's.

Dean tries to ignore the overly-religious comment that Cas had just made, staring right back into Castiel's eyes. He had awkwardly rolled his eyes, forgetting that he did until afterwards.

"You don't believe?"

They exchanged looks back and forth for a couple seconds. Castiel searched Dean's eyes for any answer, but all he could see was pain. He saw a lot of it, not just in Dean's eyes, but almost everyone who walked into the little white church. He was so familiar with the look that he recognized it immediately. He tried to help everyone with that look, but he knew he couldn't help all of the pain-filled eyes that approached him. 

But God knows he tried. He'd do the same thing here, for Dean. 

Dean stood in front of Cas, quietly. Giving no answer. 

Cas tilted his head slightly like a lost puppy, narrowing his eyes and eyebrows. He studied Dean's expression for a moment, then spoke. 

"You don't think you deserve to be saved." Castiel said, almost with pause.

Dean's nerves jangled under his skin. Nobody ever said that aloud. He hasn't even admitted it to himself aloud. 

Dean still didn't say anything, still lost in his mind.

He studies Dean, quietly waiting for him to say something. Anything. Dean looks down, staring at his hands, fiddling with his fingers as if he was trying to ignore what Cas told him. He knows that's the truth, he knows that he sure as hell does not deserve to be saved. Not by Cas, not by God, if there is one, not by anybody. He's done too much bad in this world. What kind of crazy person would want to save him? 

"I- I'm sorry, Castiel." Dean started to get up out of his seat. "I have to go." He stepped onto the red carpet and began to walk out the door.

"Dean." The gruff voice spoke behind Dean.

 

"Just stop, okay? You don't know me, you don't know what I've done, Cas! If you honestly think I can be saved, you are the most naive person I have ever met." Dean said, a little too loudly.

"No need to be aggressive, Dean." He took a deep breath and studied Dean once more. "I may not know you, but nobody is incapable of redeeming themselves. I want to help you, Dean."

Dean took in each word Castiel said to him, almost as if he was memorizing them. 

"You can't help me, Cas." 

The words echoed in Cas's head, repeating over and over again, leaving a mark on his soul. As Dean walked out of his little white church, Castiel didn't try to stop him again. Maybe he was right, maybe he couldn't help Dean.


	2. Chapter 2

It was once Dean got home that he finally realized the possible mistake that he had made. He shouldn't have left that church. He shouldn't have left Castiel, standing there feeling useless.

He should have let Castiel help him. He made Cas feel like he couldn't help him in the slightest, when in reality, Cas might have been the only person to be able to help Dean.

He was so angry with himself. He wanted everything to be so much simpler than this, he needed to feel like he was in control of himself again. 

He left his apartment after that thought. He didn't exactly know what he was going to do at this time of night, but he needed to get out.

He stepped outside and noticed it was snowing. Beautiful white snowflakes fell from the sky in a fury, almost all at once, like they were all in a rush to get to the same place. Dean started to walk down the sidewalk again, just as he did later that night, and he saw the little white church again. But this time, he saw Castiel walking out, a little more slumped over than he was before. Castiel locked the door to the church, looked up and locked eyes with Dean.

"Shit." Dean murmured to himself.

He started to walk the other direction and soon, that walking had turned into running. He didn't really know why he was running from Cas, besides, he was the reason he left his house in guilt.

His breathing became labored and he had to stop and catch his breath. It was freezing, snowing and dark outside so he could barely see where the hell he was going, but he knew wherever he was now was better than being trapped in a guilt-trip with Cas.

As he was catching his breath with his hands on his knees, he looked up and saw a shadow of a tall person walking slowly toward him. It was way too dark to see, so Dean automatically assumed it was a cop finally here to arrest him for all of the cherry pies he had stolen. He never knew why it was a big deal that he stole pies. (probably because he had stolen so much more over the years)

But as the shadow got closer, the snowflakes didn't hide the man's face and it was uncovered to be Castiel. Dean let out a sigh of relief because it wasn't a cop, but also because he really just wanted to be near Cas again. 

Castiel stopped way before he got to Dean, just so he could study him from a distance. Dean didn't mind this, he got a great view of the attractive man before him. Snowflakes covered his little beanie on his head and his trench coat, and if Dean had to be honest with himself, he looked damn adorable. But like not in a helpless kitten type of way, just the way that made Dean want to run up to Cas and hug him just for being there with him now. 

He barely knows Castiel, but one thing he does know, is that he needs Cas in his life. Cas knows this too. 

Just by the look of empathy in Castiel's eyes, Dean knows he's not going to have to be out of control of his life anymore, because he knows Cas is going to help him. 

They stood pretty far apart from each other, only standing, watching the snowflakes drop down onto their clothes and looking for some sort of sign that they could step closer.

There wasn't a sign, but Castiel came closer to Dean anyway. But, really close. 

Castiel looked into his bright green eyes and studied them. Like he always had studied the rest of Dean. Castiel never had a hard time maintaining eye contact, but Dean however, had a problem looking into Castiel's eyes for this long.

"Not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that- I got laid." Dean told Cas. 

He didn't really mean to say it out loud, but since he had, he couldn't take it back.

Castiel smiled a little bit. Then the smile turned right back into sympathy after a couple seconds. Castiel quickly noticed how little self-confidence Dean had to have to ruin a quiet, beautiful moment between the two of them. Cas of course noticed Dean's obvious attraction to him, so maybe that's why the looks made him highly uncomfortable.

"Let's be serious for a moment here, Dean. I followed you here to tell you something."

Dean rolled his eyes at Castiel's extreme seriousness. 

"And what would that be?" He retorted, a little sarcastically.

"You don't need to be snarky with me, Dean. I wanted to tell you that you do deserve to be saved." After he said that, he noticed Dean rolled his eyes a little bit and looked away. So Castiel stepped closer (if that was even possible) and grabbed his arm. "Dean, look at me."

Dean's green eyes returned to look back at Castiel's blue ones and got lost for a minute. He felt Cas's hand on his arm and he was surprisingly warm. What he would do to be wrapped up in that warmth right now. He snapped out of his thoughts.

"Cas, you don't understand. I don't deserve to be saved. Once you get to know who I am and where I've come from, you'll want to leave me. I promise."

 

"I won't leave you, Dean. I need you just as much as you need me."

"Why would you need me? You're perfect! There couldn't be anything wrong with you, you're a freakin' priest, dude." Dean said this as he backed away, thinking Cas was only saying these things to make him feel like he wasn't alone.

"Okay. How about we get out of this cold, I'll take you home and we can talk? Does that sound okay, Dean?" Castiel asked him, trying to get close again, mainly because he just liked being close to Dean. 

 

"No, Cas. I'm sorry. I'll just come by your church tomorrow." He looked down at his feet. "I couldn't stand to be in my house alone with you. I couldn't possibly keep my hands to myself." Dean admitted, honestly not even meaning to say that much. It is what he was thinking, no doubt, but now that he had told Cas this, he was scared he wouldn't want Dean to come to his church anymore. 

"I understand, Dean. Maybe after we talk, then?"

Dean paused.

"You heard me right, Dean. See you tomorrow." Castiel grabbed his hand and squeezed for a second, then turned and walked away.


End file.
